On being seen without forcing visibility There’s a lot of talk about being visible, as if visibility is some kind of end point, proof that you matter. But being visible is not the same as being seen. Visibility is an action. You put something out there, you take up space, you show yourself. But being seen happens on the other side. It doesn’t just require my presence, but the willingness of someone else to truly receive. And that’s where the tension lies. Because you can do e

Reflections on Numbing, Growth and Personal Freedom Exactly one year ago, I decided to completely break with alcohol. Alcohol and I had an intimate relationship. It had always been there. In my childhood, alcohol was seen as normal. At home, there was always drinking before dinner, never skipping a day. Wine was made at home. There was always a bottle of yeast on the windowsill, and in the attic, large round glass bottles with wine aging. Because it was always present and con

An In-between Space With Direction . (The in-between on canvas) For the past two weeks, I’ve been trying to write something, but every time I stop halfway and think: no, this isn’t it. It’s not that there’s nothing to tell, because there is plenty happening to write about. I thought: with the end of the Year of the Snake, I close a big chapter. There’s nothing left to peel away; there are simply no more layers. The need to speak about my trauma has also disappeared. I protect

How Conscious Awareness Can Transform Your Life When I was 24 years old, I heard the sentence: “You decide for yourself when you want to be happy.” Those words stayed with me all day. That evening, I decided to take a closer look at my thoughts. I made a commitment: for every negative thought, I would consciously replace it with a positive one, whether I believed it or not. And so I did, consistently. During the first week, it was painfully clear how many negative thoughts pa

I give freely and still my garden grows. We draw to us those who vibrate on a similar pain frequency. Everyone who enters our life acts as a mirror, reflecting both our wounds and their own. This truth began to reveal itself to me unconsciously when I got divorced in 2014. It had been a very intense and painful relationship, and once the divorce was finalized and I was able to recover, the first thought that came to me was: Okay Es, what on earth is still unresolved in you th

Do you want to play? That’s the first thing I look for when I meet someone for the first time. My inner child shows up first. By showing joy and humor, I ask the person: Are you able to play too? For me, playing means experiencing and sharing humor and joy. It’s also my way of communicating with the universe, from a place of delight and happiness. My experience shows that my energy is contagious for those who can play too. And others? I leave them with just a little better fe

Doomscrollen, Dreaming & Doing. Stop wasting your time behind your phone, take your life back. From bullshit to a meaningful life.

No One Wants to Remember Trauma. "No one wants to remember trauma. In that sense, society is not much different from the victims themselves. We all want to live in a world that feels safe, controllable, and predictable, and victims remind us that this is not always the case. To understand trauma, we must overcome our natural resistance to face that reality and learn to summon the courage to listen to the testimonies of those affected by trauma."
 Bessel van der Kolk, The Body

With this blog, I give words to my experiences as a mother of a special boy, a child who stands with one foot in this world, and the other in the unseen world. Where many parents speak effortlessly about upbringing and development, it feels different for me. What my child can do, and what he is developing under my guidance, falls outside what most people consider ‘normal.’
To truly understand this, something else is required first: that you know yourself. Not superficially, b